ok so... this blog... is just to say:

HI JESS... lol lol! There's something new on my blog :P

Sammy Sweetie:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All my love to you on your special day and always.

Life as I know it

Life has been really frustrating. Every facet of my life is so complicated and so dramatic. Friends, family, work, personal life... everything that happens to me is such a blur now. I try to concentrate on the moment, but then half the time I'm time travelling and thinking about what happened the other night, what happened at the other meeting, what happened in my last msn conversation with certain people, what day I did what, what I could be doing (IE: Sleeping) instead of what I was supposed to concentrate on right then... and and and and anddddddd... I don't have time to absorb everything and think everything through. I had a friend tell me that that's what happens: life after graduation is crazy. I've broken up w/ a boyfriend of 12x2+11 months, I've had my rebound, I've enrolled in a course, I've experienced many frustrations at work, I've gotten picked up at work, I've become passionate about new and old sports, I've been disappointed in very many things, I've gone for retail therapy more times than I care to remember, I've partied hard, I've become close again with friends I've truly missed chilling with, I've also seen friends go a billion separate ways and I've experienced every emotion possible. It has been a crazy rollercoaster ride.

Friends and relationships are changing rapidly- living at home is quite the nightmare it used to be before I left 4 years ago. I am tired. I am worn out and I am sick of having to deal w/ the same shit, just a different day. I want to wake up one morning and love being alive again. Truly, that feeling of happiness is truly what I am in search of. Don't get me wrong- a guy would not fix this. But I wonder what would? I don't want to talk to friends about much anymore. I feel like they don't know what I go through- and they often don't. Everyone has different backgrounds, histories and way of dealing with emotions. I'm not often in touch w/ mine, and when sudden realizations like this happens, I go all haywire. Everyone has something to look forward to- many are returning to school and they know exactly what they have to do before that starts. Me on the other hand- I don't have a set deadline. I am out in the working world now just chillin' (HA) and I'm losing me. I know tomorrow I will feel differently again and life would be good again. But for now, I'd like to say that life sucks... and being alone w/ ur thoughts is even worse.

CULTURE...

I was dropped like a hot potatoe... hahaha... my life is always so dramatic, always so unpredictable. These past couple of months have been crazy. The past couple of weeks was fun, and it ended abruptly b/c of one word: CULTURE.

To each their own... but I never thought I'd experience something like this so blatantly. I believe that like/love/friendship or any type of human interaction does not have anything to do with culture or religion. Like/love/friendship should have no bounds... it should transcend across all cultures and ways of life. Things that shouldn't matter in this world do. Sucks when you weren't the one that initiated anything and end up being the one that's hurt. Even when people say they don't know what they're doing, they're hurting someone else. This game is so complicated..... sooo sooo complicated. I don't want to be IN it at all.

This last experience, I taught someone a lesson. To think with their brains... to look at the meanings behind actions. I thought most people thought things thru, but apparently not. I hate being the one teaching the lesson... b/c that just means that you're the one that's hurting more than the other party.

What I realized this weekend (went to the Tastes of Danforth and also the Beer Festival); I realized that my friends are all dating now. It's sad to be the one that dated all thru uni and then after uni, have nobody to be with... while my friends are on a different schedule. Everyone seems to have someone but me... this sudden realization is so bitter. I am happy for my friends,... but I guess I chose this life. To be bold, independent and alone.

It's been crazyyyyyy!!!

OK... so first of all, my last post was with regards to:

JESS & ERIC's SURPRISE ENGAGEMENT!

My love to you both, and I wish you always, love and forever happiness. The ring is absolutely gorgeous (good job Eric!). I am happy that you both feel like it is the right time and just one thing- don't start popping out babies too soon I can't deal with all these changes!!! lol And if anything, Millimen, just promise u'd still be there for me when I really really need you. :)

My life has been pretty interesting for the past couple of weeks. Interesting people, interesting nights and awesome clubbing. I joined a dragonboat team and now I have practices every Thursday :) I love my life the way it is. What else? Well my government job as I know it is over in 17 days!!! I got a new phone- Sony Ericsson W8100i? (or something like that, I bought it cuz it was pretty) and the functions on it are amazingly crazy. I have no ideeaaa how to use it yet, but I put some music on it and the sound is amazing! I'll show you all my new toy :)

This weekend: Taste of Danforth, Beer Festival & Woodbine beaches, hopefully :) Have a good one!

... speechless. I can't talk anymore. Wow. ...

OH MY GOD... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!