Life as I know it

Life has been really frustrating. Every facet of my life is so complicated and so dramatic. Friends, family, work, personal life... everything that happens to me is such a blur now. I try to concentrate on the moment, but then half the time I'm time travelling and thinking about what happened the other night, what happened at the other meeting, what happened in my last msn conversation with certain people, what day I did what, what I could be doing (IE: Sleeping) instead of what I was supposed to concentrate on right then... and and and and anddddddd... I don't have time to absorb everything and think everything through. I had a friend tell me that that's what happens: life after graduation is crazy. I've broken up w/ a boyfriend of 12x2+11 months, I've had my rebound, I've enrolled in a course, I've experienced many frustrations at work, I've gotten picked up at work, I've become passionate about new and old sports, I've been disappointed in very many things, I've gone for retail therapy more times than I care to remember, I've partied hard, I've become close again with friends I've truly missed chilling with, I've also seen friends go a billion separate ways and I've experienced every emotion possible. It has been a crazy rollercoaster ride.

Friends and relationships are changing rapidly- living at home is quite the nightmare it used to be before I left 4 years ago. I am tired. I am worn out and I am sick of having to deal w/ the same shit, just a different day. I want to wake up one morning and love being alive again. Truly, that feeling of happiness is truly what I am in search of. Don't get me wrong- a guy would not fix this. But I wonder what would? I don't want to talk to friends about much anymore. I feel like they don't know what I go through- and they often don't. Everyone has different backgrounds, histories and way of dealing with emotions. I'm not often in touch w/ mine, and when sudden realizations like this happens, I go all haywire. Everyone has something to look forward to- many are returning to school and they know exactly what they have to do before that starts. Me on the other hand- I don't have a set deadline. I am out in the working world now just chillin' (HA) and I'm losing me. I know tomorrow I will feel differently again and life would be good again. But for now, I'd like to say that life sucks... and being alone w/ ur thoughts is even worse.