"I promised myself I would no longer place my hopes on a happiness that was held in someone else's hand."

"Perhaps it was too much to ask. But having settled for too little once, I'm not willing to do it again."


Taken from the book, Sister of my heart.

I'm in one of those moods...

I'm going in circles. I want to move onn! Every single time a new pic pops up it makes me wanna go back and relive that moment. I guess I should be happy it happened. But at the same time it makes me want something that I can't have... and we all know how this works. We want more of what we can't have... and we keep seeking it. It's such a bitter sweet feeling.

I wonder what it's like to be on the other side of this mirror. I wonder if that person thinks about it at all, if he look at pictures and wonder, what if. What if I'm the one sitting here aimlessly thinking about something that really had nothing to it? I'm pretty sure that's the case, but sometimes that hope is what keeps me going. I have to believe that there is something there... until the next thing pops up, sweeps me off my feet and takes me away from meaningless actions and memories.

"I'll take you anywhere you want to go... for free!!!"...

That's what a taxi driver said to me this morning at 8:30am in the morning as I ran by him in his taxi. I was in jeans, flip flops, glasses and a sweater.... wth! Oh. and I felt like A$$.... and it was early. Sammy, don't you say anything!!!

It's weird... just a few weeks ago I really didn't mind feeling the way I feel right now. I was happy with whatever... now that I've experienced the things that I have in Cuba, at work... I feel like life is more than this. It's more than just working the 9-5, seeing friends here and there, working out and studying. A spark is missing.

In times like this, I think about the good, the bad and remember things the way they were. It gives me that bitter-sweet feeling. I mean, if I didn't know it existed would I miss it ?

I look at my friends around me... one by one they're finding people to be with. My girl friends are all in long relationships, they're pretty happy. I am always so happy for others but then my own happiness is rarely something I bother thinking about. It's so hard to be looking and not looking at the same time. It's like wanting to enjoy the scenery of single life but then you want to be looking at the same time so you don't miss anything with relationship potential. I'm so tired of giving someone a chance (though it really is giving yourself a chance as well)... b/c it never works out.