I woke up this morning knowing my best friend had boarded a plane to Taiwan for the year.

I miss him.

I got a text that made me want to cry, and I sent him encouraging words back, but inside I felt like I was missing my best companion. He's seen me through so many phases, all the good, the bad, the growing pains, the weird in-betweens, the loneliness and all emotions... I guess in this forced trip was really to help him grow, and I hope that he fulfills all his needs on his trip. While he's away... I'll have to grow to live w/out my 24/7 GPS system, and the voice of reason who picks up the phone no matter when... and talks me to sleep.

"I promised myself I would no longer place my hopes on a happiness that was held in someone else's hand."

"Perhaps it was too much to ask. But having settled for too little once, I'm not willing to do it again."


Taken from the book, Sister of my heart.

I'm in one of those moods...

I'm going in circles. I want to move onn! Every single time a new pic pops up it makes me wanna go back and relive that moment. I guess I should be happy it happened. But at the same time it makes me want something that I can't have... and we all know how this works. We want more of what we can't have... and we keep seeking it. It's such a bitter sweet feeling.

I wonder what it's like to be on the other side of this mirror. I wonder if that person thinks about it at all, if he look at pictures and wonder, what if. What if I'm the one sitting here aimlessly thinking about something that really had nothing to it? I'm pretty sure that's the case, but sometimes that hope is what keeps me going. I have to believe that there is something there... until the next thing pops up, sweeps me off my feet and takes me away from meaningless actions and memories.

"I'll take you anywhere you want to go... for free!!!"...

That's what a taxi driver said to me this morning at 8:30am in the morning as I ran by him in his taxi. I was in jeans, flip flops, glasses and a sweater.... wth! Oh. and I felt like A$$.... and it was early. Sammy, don't you say anything!!!

It's weird... just a few weeks ago I really didn't mind feeling the way I feel right now. I was happy with whatever... now that I've experienced the things that I have in Cuba, at work... I feel like life is more than this. It's more than just working the 9-5, seeing friends here and there, working out and studying. A spark is missing.

In times like this, I think about the good, the bad and remember things the way they were. It gives me that bitter-sweet feeling. I mean, if I didn't know it existed would I miss it ?

I look at my friends around me... one by one they're finding people to be with. My girl friends are all in long relationships, they're pretty happy. I am always so happy for others but then my own happiness is rarely something I bother thinking about. It's so hard to be looking and not looking at the same time. It's like wanting to enjoy the scenery of single life but then you want to be looking at the same time so you don't miss anything with relationship potential. I'm so tired of giving someone a chance (though it really is giving yourself a chance as well)... b/c it never works out.

Most eventful weekend EVER.

I had my first gay clubbing experiencE!!!!! You CANNOT imagine how fun it is hanging around B's friends! They are alll sooooooo cute. I met B downtown, and we went to Big Sushi w/ a bunch of his GP's. So many random people... it was very cool! The food was good and it was odd at first, but everyone was really friendly. B and I went and got ready for the bar after and then went to a predrink. There were soooo many guys and ONE girl (ME). It was awesome, seeing the way they interacted and finding out how one person is connected to everyone else. It's like being in the 6 degrees of separation game. We all went to B's friend's apt for a short predrink and enjoyed some crepes. I was seriously the only estrogen in a pack of 20 guys. Afterwards, we all booked out of there and arrived at a club called AX. I have no idea where it is, but it was close to the UT res we were staying in. It was mostly Asian, and it was really dingy looking. It didn't bother me though, it's not the place, it's the people you're with ;) Everyone knew everyone else, and people stood in LINES for drinks! WTH! It's UNHEARD of in straight clubs! The music was pretty good. They had long stretches of dance music and lots of RnB at the end. By then though, my feet were killing me!!! Surprising-- my stilettoes have never hurt me this way before!!! The best part of the night: seeing all these boys DANCE! and HOLY can they DANCE! It was HOT! lol. They played a lot of PCDs and these boys ROCKED. I had to stop and watch them cuz it was that good!!! hahaha!!! B and I left around 3. I can't say how much I loved this nite. I saw B in his element and it's nice since I can now put a face to the names.

The day after B and I woke up really early and had breakfast at the New College all-you-can-eat-breaky. I took a shower, and got out of his hair since it was the Pride Parade at 2. I went to meet Kathryn and we went to her friend's pool party over in York Mills. It was really nice... the house was huge. Rumoured that there are 10 bathrooms and an elevator to the top floor. We got to go inside to change and the house was HUGE. They had security cameras everywhere too. Garage had 5 BMW beamer/SUVs, 2 Mercedes and a hot hot HOT red Ferrari. The backyard was nice; smaller than expected but it had a built in bbq. They brought a keg and hamburgers for the guests... for free. I tanned in the sun and enjoyed the pool. A great way to end off the weekend!

It's Wed now... things are good still. 'rents left for their organized tour to PEI. I'd have to go and get them Tues. Nothing else is new other than studying :)

Hope you're all well. Have a great week!

Muah,
Jules.

Happy Pride Weekend!

At work right now... bored. There's so many people here today, yet I am so bored. Tonite should be fun! It's Gay Pride Weekend in Toronto & I'm seeing B and his friends for dinner at some sushi place and then we're going to A X. I'm really excited. We were always supposed to go gay clubbing but it never happened and now that he's leaving in August I find we're doing everything possible.

The other day I had so much to write but then now I don't feel like I have anything happening in my life worth mentioning. Well, what I can say is... I've recovered from Cuba. Seriously, what happens in Cuba has to stay there, lol. If you bring everything along w/ you, you're just gonna be one messed up person! Oh, I posted most of the pics on fb, so check them out when you get a chance :)

Running on impulse!

Got my naval pierced. Yep. That's right!!! Yeah I don't know if I really wanted it, well... I always thought they were really sexy but didn't seriously think about getting one till Gill mentioned in Cuba that she wanted one. We kinda said we should do it together and we talked on msn yesterday... I told her I wanted to do it this weekend and then realized I had Thurs off so I suggested going to this place my coworker suggested downtown on Queen called New Tribe. I didn't think she was going to say yes, but we decided to go in the afternoon... and it happened! I picked Gill up and we dropped off my car at Bayview Village, we took the subway to Osgoode and got to New Tribe (which was right across from Citytv!). I got some pizza in me first and then we went in... Gill was really nervous! I didn't think I was till I got in and had to do the piercing first! It pinched a little and it actually hurt more after it was done! Gill got hers done right after and she said it hurt sooo much! By then I was actually passing out... almost felt like I was going to puke! I suddenly started sweating and had to lie down. Then Gill laid down... got better, and then I got sick again! It was sooooooo weird, and sooo scary, but it was sooo worth it! The dude who did our piercing must've thought of us as the biggest wussies!!! Seriously, we didn't even look like we belonged in that store cuz we were so prissy compared to everyone else! Everyone in there had tattoos and had previous piercings!

We went to Eaton's Centre after-- checked out Costa Blanca and bought some stuff... and then got juice for the ride home. It was a very eventful day!!!

I still can't believe we did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol! 8 weeks and we're going to be able to change this ring!